Yesterday long after the kids were in bed and asleep I went in to my room and flipped in the TV. 20/20 was on. It was a show I like to watch on occasion. Last nights story when I turned it on was about two transgendered teens.
Everything they said. About knowing from ages 3-4 struck me. My child knows. My child knows that my child s a boy. My child knows that inside that my child should have a penis and not a vagina. My child act, talks, and plays like a boy. Why can't everyone else around us see that? It hurts. It hurts the most that her father doesn't see it. Do we have to wait till my child try's to commit suicide? There is a 50% chance my child will try.
20/20 segment I was talking about
Saturday 29 June 2013
Friday 28 June 2013
A long time UPDATE.
It's been some time since I last posted. My husband thinks I'm pushing so I backed off. We saw our doctor for kindergarten shots and the doctor could see that my child is transgendered.
It's been hard. Daycare is not as accepting. But the main teacher is a Asian catholic. Very religious. I know where she is coming from. I was raised in a Christian home. I went to a Christian school till grade 9 when I left because of bullying. Now I worry what my child will be getting in to with kindergarten starting in September.
This morning my child woke up early. 6 am. I was on the couch as I broke my leg and its more comfortable then my bed up the stairs. My child came down and cuddled. We talked. I asked if my child feels like a girl or a boy. In typical fashion my child said "mom I'm a boy inside but I have girl parts". A few weeks ago my child asked for me to take out my child's earrings. I started to cry. I pushed it off that we would talk about it later.
It makes me sad to be loosing my girl. I knew from the start. My child was the more active of the twins. I felt an instant bond. I just don't know. I want my child to be happy. I want my child to be whoever my chis is. But this is not going to be easy. It's a hard road. A trip I don't want to take if I don't have to.
With everything in my life right now. My mother sick and dying, my not working to take care of my mom so our bills are tight, my husband is not happy with his job, finding money for his schooling for the next semester, bills that keep coming in and trying to figure out how to pay.
School is coming up. Things are going to be tight. School supplies. 2 pairs of shoes for each kid (inside and outside). Backpacks. Lunch boxes. Clothes as they are growing like weeds. I have no boy clothes for child, thankfully friends have given or sold us cheep clothes for the other two. It doesn't help that the youngest is now almost in the same size clothes as the twins.
I feel like there is so much and I'm drowning. I just want my child to have an good life. An easy life. I don't want to see my child crying. I don't like to see any of them cry, but it hurts even more when Childs friends won't play because child is physically a girl. Child has chosen a gender neutral name. It's trendy and cute and child can write it all on his own.
I'm having a hard time with pronouns. But I'm working on it.
Im Just floating in a sea of emotions.
It's been hard. Daycare is not as accepting. But the main teacher is a Asian catholic. Very religious. I know where she is coming from. I was raised in a Christian home. I went to a Christian school till grade 9 when I left because of bullying. Now I worry what my child will be getting in to with kindergarten starting in September.
This morning my child woke up early. 6 am. I was on the couch as I broke my leg and its more comfortable then my bed up the stairs. My child came down and cuddled. We talked. I asked if my child feels like a girl or a boy. In typical fashion my child said "mom I'm a boy inside but I have girl parts". A few weeks ago my child asked for me to take out my child's earrings. I started to cry. I pushed it off that we would talk about it later.
It makes me sad to be loosing my girl. I knew from the start. My child was the more active of the twins. I felt an instant bond. I just don't know. I want my child to be happy. I want my child to be whoever my chis is. But this is not going to be easy. It's a hard road. A trip I don't want to take if I don't have to.
With everything in my life right now. My mother sick and dying, my not working to take care of my mom so our bills are tight, my husband is not happy with his job, finding money for his schooling for the next semester, bills that keep coming in and trying to figure out how to pay.
School is coming up. Things are going to be tight. School supplies. 2 pairs of shoes for each kid (inside and outside). Backpacks. Lunch boxes. Clothes as they are growing like weeds. I have no boy clothes for child, thankfully friends have given or sold us cheep clothes for the other two. It doesn't help that the youngest is now almost in the same size clothes as the twins.
I feel like there is so much and I'm drowning. I just want my child to have an good life. An easy life. I don't want to see my child crying. I don't like to see any of them cry, but it hurts even more when Childs friends won't play because child is physically a girl. Child has chosen a gender neutral name. It's trendy and cute and child can write it all on his own.
I'm having a hard time with pronouns. But I'm working on it.
Im Just floating in a sea of emotions.
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